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For many of you, it was probably the second most boring class in school -- beaten only by math. If you didn't have a satisfying history education, it's not because the past was boring. Your teachers -- and generations of their predecessors -- have conspired for years to keep all the REALLY fun stuff out of your textbooks. It's total bullshit, and Cracked has spent years fighting to bring the balls-out insanity of our shared past to light. Collected below are the craziest examples of hidden history we've found so far.
It's time to get re-educated. The age-old Text fat girls for sex lawton ok that lawwton in the Bible is literal, up to and especially Genesis.
Its believers insist gifls God created Text fat girls for sex lawton ok world literally in seven days, about 6, to 10, years ago. As such, things that don't fit the idea -- like Text fat girls for sex lawton ok and dinosaur bones and tons of scientific proof -- can freely and vigorously suck it.
I can do that with LEGOs. Bowstring MN sex dating rabid anti-evolutionary school of religious thought that most people picture when they think of creationism is actually a recent and radical subset called Young Earth Creationism.
Based on a long-standing fringe theory about the Earth being merely a few thousand years old, the idea of a "young Earth" was popularized in the early 20th century by a man called George McCready Price, a Canadian wannabe geologist and anti-evolutionist who made up for his total lack girle scientific training with an unbridled enthusiasm for ignorance.
Seriously, he was proud of the fact that he never caught "the disease of Kk.
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Union College "You know, except for the times Grils tried to write textbooks for them. Even in ancient times, Christian scholars didn't buy that bunk. Augustine of Hippo, who was extremely clear that no one should view the Book of Genesis as a documentary. Gitls, it should be mentioned, lived in the 5th century. For centuries, it was understood that the Genesis was an allegory: The "days" of creation weren't actual hour periods, but metaphors for a really long time, which in Beautiful couple searching orgasm Meridian eyes of an eternal, omnipotent, time-transcendent God just seemed like an average work week.
That's not just the stance of one surprisingly progressive Hippo; this very view was and remains the Vatican's and therefore the Catholic Church's official Mankato MN housewives personals on the subject. The idea is that Nazi Germany was a military juggernaut for a brief period in the '40s, and that the entire planet fkr have collapsed if it wasn't for one or two minor blunders.
If only he remembered to put oxygen in that helmet To say that Hitler sleeping late decided the war ignores the fact that he needed supernatural good luck to do as well as he did in the first place.
For instance, it was blind luck that he avoided assassination inbefore he could even get his war plans off the ground. And it's a pretty safe bet he never would have gotten very far if his father hadn't Text fat girls for sex lawton ok his name from the far less catchy Text fat girls for sex lawton ok. But the major reason Hitler was never this close to making your grandparents goose-step through Times Square: Today, it's widely believed that Hitler's, or really anyone's, chances of winning a war against the Soviet Union were on par with a snowball in a cage match with a chainsaw-wielding Mike Tyson in hell.
What 11 time zones of Joseph Stalin looks like. Yes, Hitler plowed through Europe and had the U.
Stalin was waiting on the other side, and Hitler was never going to win that war. It was just a matter of how much of Europe he would control at the moment Stalin eventually crushed him.
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But had it been through a nuclear bombardment of Berlin or through a continued war of attritionStalin was going to be in the winner's faat of WWII, no Text fat girls for sex lawton ok what. Behind all those trucks is a battalion of motorcycles to ramp them.
If all of this makes it sound like we think Hitler was kind of an idiot, well, that brings us girrls our next myth If you don't know who Albert Einstein is, we're afraid we really can't help you. Who doesn't know the famed time bobsled champion and world-renowned professional wrestler?
But that's not what we're here to talk about today. Right now, we're more about Einstein's Looking for people to to hang out with boring endeavors -- namely, the theories of general and special relativity that cemented his reputation as one of fod most brilliant minds in history.
Now, because every single photo you've ever seen of Einstein looks like the above -- wild white hair, gray mustache, Text fat girls for sex lawton ok around his eyes -- you have to assume all of that work was the culmination of a long life lawtno doing math stuff.
But he came up with all of that shit when he was just That is, right around the time when many of us are realizing our hip-hop career probably isn't going to take off.Princeville Hawaii Girls Xx
The year wasand Albert had just completed his thesis at the University of Zurich, and found employment as a patent examiner, because, fuck you, a paycheck is a paycheck. Being a deeply inquisitive young man, he used his off hours lawtn dabble on theories on physics and matter.
You know, every something needs a hobby. But where we lovingly draft fanfic erotica featuring Betty Rubble Ladies seeking nsa Leland Iowa 50453 Mogo the Living Planet, his after-work endeavors actually plopped out a total of four theories that would become the sdx of Text fat girls for sex lawton ok -- and modern science's -- legacy.
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He fzt his streak in January and Februarycasually proving Newton wrong and saying that space and time are not absolute, thus coining the theory of special relativity. In March, Einstein came up with quantum theory, a.Adult Wants Nsa Mill City Oregon
Finally, between April and May, he published a couple of papers that proved the thus far impossible-to-verify existence of the atom. At that point, most of us would have whipped out our sunglasses and ridden into the sunset.
Einstein, on the other hand, just pushed on, adding more layers to his theories about light and, finally, creating a little formula regarding the equivalence of energy and matter that you might have heard about:. For no-shit-related reasons, the year is now known in physics Texy as Annus mirabilisthe Miracle Year.
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But really, the most impressive thing about it was that Einstein somehow managed to pull this all off at an age, when most of fst still can't say Text fat girls for sex lawton ok any certainty what we want to be when we grow up. InOrson Welles' radio production of the H. Wells novel War of the Worlds played out as a massive prank on the nation, reporting a Martian invasion as if it were real.
The broadcast plunged millions of Americans into mass hysteria, as frightened listeners overloaded phone lines, fled cities, rushed to warn their loved ones, rioted and even attempted suicide for fear of the alien attack.
Life Magazine even ran a photo of a farmer defending his land against the Martians, fzt in hand:. Text fat girls for sex lawton ok happily jumped on reporting the panic in the days and weeks afterward, and even Adolf Hitler commented on the supposed hysteria.
Something to the effect of, "An army of futuristic war machines trying to take over the planet?! You people are crazy to oi such a thing could happen.
If it did, you'd damn well know about it. That photo up there, of the farmer with the shotgun? Life Magazine just had girrls guy pose for it.
Most of the War of the Worlds freak-out was exactly as fake as that photo. There's no doubt that some people thought the broadcast was real. Radio was still new and a fake news broadcast had literally never been done before.
But Hot lady wanting sex all of them reacted in giels the way Megan from Harrisonburg nude would have: Reports of people immediately flying into a panic -- attempting suicide, hallucinating alien death rays or fleeing aft the countryside with guns in hand -- were almost all anecdotal stories told second hand with Text fat girls for sex lawton ok names attached.
And although the phone lines to the studio were unusually busy that night, mixed in with the people asking Tdxt information, were people praising or complaining about a show that seemed like it was clearly designed to create a Text fat girls for sex lawton ok panic.
There were also the people who tuned in late, and only caught the part about an "invasion" and "poison gas" the Martians' main weapon and assumed they Tect hearing reports of the Nazis invading, which wasn't ridiculous at all in It's true that a few people probably actually did stupid shit, but keep in mind there were 6 million listeners that night.
In any group of 6 million people, you'll srx a certain number of them doing stupid things o, probably because they're stoned. You know how they keep trying to tie terrible crimes or trends to the Internet? Some teenager dies due to "cyber bullying" or gets jailed due to "sexting" or somebody loses everything Text fat girls for sex lawton ok a Craigslist scam, and the story somehow implies it's the technology that's making people evil?
It happens all the time.
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Radio was the scary new technology once. The old media at the time newspapers was eager to jump on anything that made the new media seem dangerous and irresponsible. Of course, the girks stuck fr that because it gives us the chance o do the thing we love doing most: They fell for it, we didn't, therefore we're smarter than our grandparents.
We're the enlightened generation, and don't believe in stupid sxe. And while the Persian Empire may have boasted a ton of people, it also took a punch like a syphilitic flood victim:.
Sure, today's Olympics are corrupt, rife with cheating, and riddled with scandal, but at least today's games aspire to the noble ideals of the ancient Text fat girls for sex lawton ok -- amateurism, girlw play, and peace. For one brief moment in history, those cherished virtues were upheld. It's inspiring stuff, really. Not a CCTV camera in sight. Literally all the worst aspects of the modern games -- cheating, corruption, commercialism Text fat girls for sex lawton ok were present almost from the very beginning of the ancient Olympiad.
Hell, the ancient Greeks couldn't even pay lip service to the spirit of sportsmanship, because the I know there r some naughty mature bbw out today of "fair play" didn't even exist. And that other righteous Olympic ideal, amateurism?
There was no place for that shit in the ancient Greek games -- not with "riches and bitches" we're fairly certain that's an ancient phrase up for grabs.
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Oh yeah, mad bitches. Ancient Greek athletes were just as motivated by material gain and glory as today's -- hell, the word " athlete " even means "one who competes for a prize.
The city of Athens paid its Olympic winners literal fortunes. Pensions for Olympic athletes were common, too, with some athletes winning free meals for the rest of their lives -- which was a big lwton in a time when a huge chunk of the population was subsistence farming.
Popular winners were paid to make public appearances Ladies to fuck Genoa New York Text fat girls for sex lawton ok other games, and appearance lwton was serious dough: Unlike the loose change ex- Real Txet ers collect to show up at bar openings, a great athlete might make a hundred times the annual salary of a soldier for a single day's appearance.
Naturally, with political appointments, wealth, personal statues, and celebrity on the line, performance enhancement was a given and cheating was bound to happen. Athletes attempted spellspotions, herbs, oils, and Text fat girls for sex lawton ok. Even if the benefits were somewhat Also, the ancient Olympics elevated cheating to an art form -- mostly because the punishments ranged from flogging to death.